How to Be a Housewife.

Photo by The Hollywood Reporter

Earlier today, Linda Holmes at NPR's excellent pop culture blog, Monkey See, published a smart, fun, and informative essay about how to win Survivor. It got my reality-television-watching-brain spinning. Anyone who's ever read this blog knows my reality TV of choice tends to feature rich, relatively beautiful women living dramatic lives (see also: all those posts I wrote about The Hills and The City), and that Bravo's Real Housewives franchise happens to be my current fixation. Now, Housewives isn't a competition show. There's no prize at the end (besides the chance of being the next Bethenny Frankel), but that doesn't mean potential applicants couldn't use a handy guide on how to succeed in the business. Instead of offering a list of tips, I've listed five categories in which cast members find themselves placed by co-stars, fans, media outlets, and producers. Consider it a handy guide on the types of personalities the franchise attracts, and what to do when cast opposite a herd of raging narcissists (though let's be honest, if you are auditioning for this show, you are probably a raging narcissist too).

Reintroducing the Beverly Hills Housewives.

One of my favorite things about the Real Housewives franchise is discovering the new introductions the women fashion for themselves in later seasons. The first season opening credits always feature boring statements along the lines of "I love being rich," and "My life is awesome." Every credits sequence thereafter finds the women doing damage control in regards to their previous performance - the mean are really nice, the crazy are really sane, everyone loves divorce, etc.

The Big Ten: TV

The Big Ten continues with a look at the ten television shows I considered appointment viewing over the last year. These are the series I watched religiously, the episodes I talked about obsessively and the moments that left a lasting impression. The grand total amounts to two reality shows, three comedies, and five dramas (NBC wins the network showdown with three entries). Some of the omissions surprised me (old favorites The Hills, Glee and True Blood are no where to be found), and I have a feeling some of the year's late entries (The Vampire Diaries, for instance) will have a strong case for inclusion come the end of 2011. Until then . . .

The best thing I saw on TV last week.

The Real Housewives of New York City, S3,

Ep. 11 "Overboard"

"You're not stomping on grapes, I'm going to eat those!"

Short cuts.

The Best American Short Stories 2009: I already expressed my frustration with this series' continued recycling of its pet themes, and while that tradition unfortunately continues here, there is still plenty to celebrate. I usually like each volume just enough to read the next one (except for the fantastic Stephen King edited 2007 edition, which you should read for Richard Russo's "Horseman" at the very least), and that's the case here. I would give guest editor Alice Sebold a solid B+ for her efforts. My top five, in order of appearance: Sarah Shun-Lien Bynum's "Yurt," Adam Johnson's "Hurricanes Anonymous," Victoria Lancelotta's "The Anniversary Trip," (easily the best of the bunch) Annie Proulx's "Them Old Cowboy Songs," and Namwali Serpell's "Muzungu."