Scaling the Hills: Lo

In wake of the Hills series finale, I'm taking an in-depth look at each of the show's primary (meaning, they made the opening credits) cast members, in order to discern what about them (if anything) made for good TV.

We continue with Lo Bosworth.

The rest is still unwritten.

Even though I still have six Scaling The Hills profiles to write (Lo is next), I couldn't help but slap together some quick thoughts on last night's series finale and live reunion special.

Scaling the Hills: Stephanie

In anticipation of the Hills series finale, I'm taking an in-depth look at each of the show's primary (meaning, they made the opening credits) cast members, in order to discern what about them (if anything) made for good TV.

We begin with Stephanie Pratt.

TV time.

Kristin Cavallari acts sad on The Hills; photo by MTV

The City "Roommate Wanted": I hope producers initiated the "Whitney treats Roxy like dirt" storyline. If not, Whitney has officially veered into the "obnoxious and unlikeable" end of the reality star spectrum. Why does she feel betrayed upon learning Roxy looked at an apartment, when last week Roxy announced that she wanted to move out? Roxy claiming she can't afford a $4,000 a month 1 bedroom leads me to believe this drama is all for show - MTV has to pay these girls more than that. The best part of the episode was Olivia's steadfast refusal to acknowledge Whitney's clothing line on-camera.

Entertainment monthly.

Whitney Port does her best Lauren Conrad impression

on The City; photo by MTV

The City "Stage Fight": Whitney has finally completed her transformation into the New Lauren, now that she has taken to acting like an entitled bitch to Roxy. In her later Hills seasons, Lauren often adopted a similarly patronizing tone with Audrina and Stephanie (such impatience usually indicates the star's boredom with the entire exercise, due to a flourishing personal life kept decidedly off-camera). After spending the last three episodes literally taking notes for Whitney at business meetings, at least Roxy got something to do.

Short cuts.

The Hills: You have to love an episode that begins with Stephanie noting that she's "twenty-three, and been to jail twice," ("Like, who does that?") features Lo (who finally makes the opening credits) calling Kristin a "crackhead" (behind her back, of course) and Heidi's step-father commenting that her newest face looks "frozen" (or as Heidi says, "plastic"). None of these moments would have occurred in prior seasons, when the producers kept an air-tight lid on the actually interesting parts of the girls' lives. If Kristin and company (which laughably includes Audrina, as if they would ever hang out in real life) can finally save Heidi from Spencer's sick machinations, acknowledging their various substance abuse scandals on-camera will have been worth it.

"Everybody is saying . . .

. . . that you're doing drugs!"

The long goodbye.

MTV announced today that the impending sixth season of The Hills will be the series' last. I am in a few minds about this. When the cast has to pretend they aren't D-list celebrities, the show loses any semblance of "reality." The producers took this attitude too far with Kristin's relationship with Justin. Kristin, Justin, and Audrina were seen talking, laughing, and enjoying each others' company after the season five finale - their love triangle was almost entirely fabricated in the service of "good" TV.

TV time.

The City: Is anything more awesome than a fleet of synchronized town cars dispensing brightly-clad, bossy fashion ladies like a platoon of real-life Miranda Priestlys? I also loved Erin's refusal to leave Olivia and Joe Zee alone on-camera; she was busting into their scenes like a tornado ravaging a small mid-western town. A good episode, but not a great finale. It lacked any sense of closure, and the cliffhangers didn't work (we already know Whitney debuted a collection at fashion week, and who cares if Olivia leaves Elle?). Kelly Cutrone line of the night: "You really want to stand there like Lucy and Ethel in some kind of bad Stephen King film?" I don't even know what that means. Also: does Roxie own a shirt that covers her bra? She must have the most revealing professional wardrobe in existence.

Glee: I'm relieved to have the pregnancy conspiracy revealed, but Will and Terri's confrontation demanded a complete shift in style and tone. A well-played scene, but I like to feel happy at the end of a Glee episode, not depressed. That's probably an immature response ("it's different, so I don't like it"), but it's hard to feel good about an episode that also revealed the depths of Rachel's insecurity and mania. That girl lives on the edge of completely batshit crazy, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. I did love Quinn blackmailing Sue, and Sue's reluctant admiration of it.

The Hills: Kristin and Justin's "first appearence" at the reunion special was a joke. Kristin couldn't have looked more uncomfortable; she refused to look at Justin, or answer any questions about their "relationship." Dear producers: Kristin Cavallari rocks. Stop feeding her premeditated storylines, and let her do her thing. Her "thing" includes being massively appealing and a natural source of entertainment. The reunion proved an utter waste of time (besides Holly admitting that she still likes to get wasted). If Heidi and Spencer aren't going to show up, at least don't make every other castmember talk about whether or not they'd make good parents.

TV time.

The City: Is next week really the season finale? Tuesday's episode dropped any lingering personal life plots to focus solely on the girls at work. Instead of more boy drama, we get Whitney arranging a photo shoot for her fashion line, and Erin relying (once again) on Olivia for help with the Today Show. I don't buy Kelly Cutrone's mistrust of Roxie, it's a fairly obvious play for drama the show doesn't need. Whitney and Roxie make fine TV having friendly cake fights. Erin and Olivia's storyline, on the other hand, has started to drag. Erin doesn't like Olivia because Olivia gets to associate herself with Elle without having to actually work there, unlike Erin who busts her ass and knows what she's doing. Olivia is clearly not an Assistant Accessories Editor, she's a socialite getting to play one on TV, and that's the real source of Erin's hostility toward her.

Glee: Hooray for Tina finally getting showcased! She did well with "True Colors." I quite liked that performance, with the cast sitting on stools wearing bright, solid colored t-shirts like a Gap ad from 1994. I also liked "Imagine" (though it was kind of rude for our kids to interrupt the other school's performance). The myriad pregnancy stories needed to conclude yesterday. Dianna Agron as Quinn has continuously impressed me, but at this point, I'd just like everyone to know that Puck is her baby's father, and that Terri isn't pregnant. I'm also not a fan of Kurt turning into a scheming asshole, what with him embarrassing Rachel in order to get Finn's attention. The plotting didn't do it for me this week, thankfully the music did.

The Hills: Probably the worst episode in the history of this show. It's like no one involved can be bothered to care about the relative credibility anymore. Kristin looks horribly bored, as though she just realized she signed her public image over to a team of producers who are desperate for ratings, and capable of paying her rent as long as she and Stacie make out. I mean, when Audrina (of all people!) is bailing on your reality show because it doesn't "depict her real life," you know you've got problems. Instead of inserting Kristin into this world, and then stepping back and letting her develop relationships and rivalries on her own, the producers have story-boarded her entire "character" arc. If she had any sense, the above photo would feature her calling her agent, asking him/her to get her the hell out of there.

TV time.

The City: While The Hills has started to feel dated and forced, the adventures of Whitney, Roxie and company feel fresh and authentic. It helps that Whitney and Roxie are actually friends, and that Whitney really is trying to start a fashion line. The major fault of this show's Los Angeles counterpart was the producers' decision not to acknowledge the cast's celebrity status on camera. Here, Whitney doesn't have to pretend she works at People's Revolution, since Kelly really is helping her launch a career as a designer. Furthermore, Whitney has improved leaps and bounds in her role as the series' star. Her obvious disdain for her pretentious blind date, and the look on her face when Zach (Roxie's date) showed up to the bar with six other girls, were priceless, and the kind of moments she hasn't allowed herself before now. She's finally started to let her personality show, and that has made all the difference.

Glee: "Ballad" was easily my least favorite episode to date. On the plus side, I loved Brittany's throwaway moment of hilarity ("I bet the duck is in the hat"), and Matthew Morrison is probably the only cast member who can match Lea Michele vocally (leading to their beautiful rendition of "Endless Love"). My major concern with "Ballad" was the horrendous characterization of nearly every female character. I found Will's performance of "Young Girl/Don't Stand So Close To Me" utterly insulting, as if his magic singing penis could actually reduce both Rachel and Emma to complete doe-eyed idiocy. His "all these girls are so fragile and crazy" comments didn't help either; they just made him look like a douche. The constant use of the word "crazy" to describe any woman with either strong emotions, or a mind of her own, was gross. For a show that's usually forward-thinking, this was a major step back. Welcome to 2009, Glee writers, you can no longer shrug off a woman's point of view as hormonal hysterics.

The Hills: Is Kristin thinner now than during her Laguna Beach days? I can't get over how long her neck looks. Anyway, popular culture continues to dismantle the feminist movement piece by piece, as Heidi plots to stop taking her birth control in order to "surprise" Spencer with a baby. Her seduction methods include cooking him pasta and dressing like a hooker. This storyline is so obviously fake it's a joke. You can practically see Heidi reading off the cue cards as she teases Spencer with promises of "dessert." On top of that mess, Kristin and Jayde proceed to spend the episode flouncing around L.A. calling the other "crazy" to whoever will listen (or is getting paid to pretend like they care). Though Canadian Jayde telling Kristin to "go back where [she] came from" (um, Malibu?) was an unintentional highlight.

Modern Family: I didn't laugh out loud this week, what the hell? This might be another show I stop writing about, since I never have much to say about it besides "it's good." It's hard to write about a comedy without simply listing the things I found funny; there's not as much to analyze besides whether or not the jokes worked. In that vein, my favorite part of the episode was Alex convincing Luke that Jay was terminally ill. That girl loves to fuck around with her siblings, with consistently hilarious results.

TV time.

I'm a few weeks behind on Mad Men. I keep hearing that it's gotten totally awesome/insane, so I probably won't comment on it until I'm caught up. No new Glee this week either.

The City: Only five episodes into the new season, and I might love this show more than The Hills. Someone at MTV must have taught Whitney how to be the new Lauren because she is flashing endearing charm all over the place. It's moments like her and Roxie doing the "Single Ladies" dance while getting ready for the night (remember how like, fifty percent of Laguna Beach was the girls talking in front of the mirror?) that make this work. Erin's continued competence at her job, Roxie's wild child/best friend persona, and the genius of Kelly Cutrone are icing on the cake. I'd also love to figure out what Olivia did to the people at MTV because they must hate her. The girl cannot catch a break, no matter how many times they shoot her looking pretty while walking down the hall at Elle.

The Hills: Does Drunk Holly remind anyone else of themselves/most of their friends circa Saturday night? According to Heidi and Spencer, most of the people I know would have drinking problems. Now, maybe Holly really does hit the bottle too hard, but they need to show her doing something besides dancing if they're going to convince me she needs rehab. And Stephanie "rehab changed my life" Pratt might want to eat those words in light of her new DUI. My problem with this show is that the three primary leads (Kristin, Audrina, and Heidi) never interact. If the show is going to ditch the girls' work lives in favor of bitch fights and boy drama, you would think they'd find three stars who could actually stand to share a room.

Modern Family: A pretty sloppy episode with the occasional hilarious highlights. It's the little things like Jay changing costumes between scenes for no apparent reason that brought this one down. And Clare's closing monologue was way too sugar-coated. As usual, I loved everything Mitchell/Cam. Mitchell bumping Lily's head (in her Diana Ross wig) was hysterical.

TV time.

Dollhouse and The Office are no longer Mandatory Viewing. Dollhouse showed so much promise with "Epitaph One," but now it's back to Echo's Mission of the Week. I don't find Echo interesting, so count me out until they start focusing on the larger mythology again and/or Amy Acker returns. As for The Office, it's still a great show, but my interest has waned. When I couldn't bring myself to watch Jim and Pam get married, I knew it was time to say goodbye. Unless the writers can find a new status quo, like they did with the Michael Scott Paper Company episodes, I probably won't be back to Dunder Mifflin for a while.

The City: Ditching the Hills style narration and focus on love relationships has done wonders for this show. Whitney is massively more appealing as a nice girl trying to make her way in the fashion industry than she was as Jay's doe-eyed girlfriend, plus Roxie and Erin = awesome. Is it just me, or does Olivia seem kind of downtrodden this season?

Glee: Too much Terri, but I loved everyone else, particularly Rachel. Her reaching out to Quinn ("the kids in glee won't judge you") was a great moment; Lea Michele has grown exponentially as an actress. I also loved her extra-hyper introduction to the girls' mash-up (" . . . and also ANGELS!") and morning routine. If Emma marries Ken, I'm going to be sad.

The Hills: Audrina doesn't like Kristen because Kristen has more charisma in her pinkie finger than Audrina does in her entire person, so Audrina is funneling her rage into all this "girl code" bullshit, since she can't acknowledge the cast's celebrity status on camera. Also, why is it that even with Lauren gone, Heidi and Spencer don't interact with anyone but themselves?

Mad Men: A fantastic episode, if only for the show's willingness to portray its characters acting horribly. Don must be on a mission to personally destroy every favorable member of the cast (though Peggy seems to have gotten over her tongue lashing a few weeks back). Poor Sal seems to be a recurring response this year; my stomach lurched when Don muttered "you people." I hope we see more of Carla soon, and mark me down as unenthusiastic about Don's new affair and Betty's character in general.

Modern Family: The funniest show on TV. Just watch it.

The "bitch" is back.

If you couldn't tell, I'm looking forward to the return of The Hills and Kristin Cavallari's Reign of Chaos. Lauren Conrad navigated her later seasons on the show with a degree of class and maturity lacking in her cast mates, but if you think about it, she spent her entire Hills tenure playing the Wronged Girl. People started rumors about her, yelled at her, dumped her, and dated her ex-boyfriends, and as such, she lived a dramatic life. If it weren't for the crimes committed against her, I don't know if any of us would find her all that interesting.

Kristin has been many things, but never a victim. You can tell she's having the time of her life messing with Audrina Partridge because at the end of the day, she could care less. She is playing a role just as much as Heidi and Spencer; her charm, however, lies in the way she does it. If Heidi and Spencer try their hardest to make their rehearsed breakfast conversations appear genuine (and fail miserably), then Kristin effortlessly engages in pool party drama, winking at us all the while. She knows we know that The Hills is as heavily produced as any scripted show, but she also knows that doesn't mean we can't enjoy it.

Now, I like Lauren Conrad, and I think she has her shit together. I enjoyed watching her grow up on national television. I mean, she gave us "He's a sucky person!" and "You know what you did!" I'm glad she found success, and I'm glad she said goodbye to a show she clearly tired of doing. I'm even more glad, however, to have Kristin Cavallari back in my life. If Lauren taught us how to deal with being Wronged, then Kristin is here to teach us how not to get Wronged in the first place.

September issues.

I had the pleasure of seeing The September Issue last night, and it was fantastic. Respectful, fair, it was a truly balanced portrayal of these women and the work they do. It wasn't a portrait of Mean Girl bitchiness, or a snicker at the seriousness with which these people take their jobs. For Anna Wintour, Grace Coddington, and all the rest, fashion is about art, it's about turning fantasy into reality. That's what they do, and they're damn good at it.

A lot of reviewers have hailed Coddington as the film's true star, and she definitely opens herself more to the cameras than some of her co-workers, but I think there's a reason the film begins and ends with Anna Wintour. She keeps us at arms length, but with a twinkle in her eye and a knowing mystique to her aura. We don't really want to know what she's thinking because then the mystery would be gone. I found her charming, in an utterly terrifying way.

Some housecleaning:

• I'm getting cable/Internet on Tuesday (!) so expect more talk about television. I'm going to catch up on Glee and The Office next week, since I don't feel like buying them on iTunes. I might check out Community too. Plus, The Hills returns in ten days, and I'm interested to see what the show looks like post-Lauren (my prediction: Kristin talks shit about/starts fights with everyone, while looking totally bored/completely amused).


• Last week's Mad Men ("The Fog") was good, but not one of my favorites. I like January Jones a lot, but Betty is far from my favorite character, and I really dislike when the script uses the episode title in such a pointed, obvious way ("It was all a fog"). The Peggy/Don scene was terrific though, thanks to the never ending brilliance of Elizabeth Moss and Jon Hamm. I can't say enough about those two.