Earlier today, Linda Holmes at NPR's excellent pop culture blog, Monkey See, published a smart, fun, and informative essay about how to win Survivor. It got my reality-television-watching-brain spinning. Anyone who's ever read this blog knows my reality TV of choice tends to feature rich, relatively beautiful women living dramatic lives (see also: all those posts I wrote about The Hills and The City), and that Bravo's Real Housewives franchisehappens to be my current fixation. Now, Housewives isn't a competition show. There's no prize at the end (besides the chance of being the next Bethenny Frankel), but that doesn't mean potential applicants couldn't use a handy guide on how to succeed in the business. Instead of offering a list of tips, I've listed five categories in which cast members find themselves placed by co-stars, fans, media outlets, and producers. Consider it a handy guide on the types of personalities the franchise attracts, and what to do when cast opposite a herd of raging narcissists (though let's be honest, if you are auditioning for this show, you are probably a raging narcissist too).