Life is a Beach: Laguna Beach, S1, Ep. 2 "The Bonfire"

If you haven't already, head to MTV and watch "The Bonfire," the second episode of Laguna Beach. When you're done, come back and comment on the full recap, featured below!

Previously on Laguna Beach
(as written by the producers and narrated by Lauren):

"The black and white party was supposed to be the best party of our senior year, but Kristin made sure that didn't happen. I guess she was mad after she found out Stephen and I left Trey's barbecue together. I'd never steal a guy away from another girl, but with those two, you never know if they're on or not, especially with all the guys Kristin has on the side . . . "

Stephen: "You've got to be aware of everyone else around you."

Kristin: "I'm not good at that."

The Story: Lauren and Lo go to the mall to get their make-up done. Lo acts snooty to the make-up artist, pointing her finger in the woman's face (twice). Stephen gives Kristin a surfing lesson. Christina calls Morgan and tells her she got into college. Morgan is adorably excited for Christina. At the beach, Kristin expresses her distaste for surfing, and calls it quits. Stephen acts passive-aggressively bitchy, biting his lower lip and asking her not to "waste their time." The number of times "Stephen acts passive-aggressively bitchy" appears in this recap will probably not surprise you.

Trey calls a friend and invites him to perform at a coffee house that evening. Trey (wearing an "ironic" black polo with the collar popped) wants to expose his musician friend (on MTV). Morgan and Christina go to the beach so Morgan can open an obvious rejection letter from BYU. Morgan wants to get out of "the bubble," and find a new scene. She's tired of hanging out with "stupid kids screwing up on their parents' money." Morgan gets rejected from BYU (duh). Somewhere, Lo smiles and doesn't know why.

Jessica and Kristin go grocery shopping. Jessica has enormous boobs. Kristin asks Jessica if she should order "half a pound" of chicken. Jessica thinks Kristin is trying to determine the proper deli lingo, and suggests saying "have a pound" of chicken. Meanwhile, Lauren and Lo drive to Trey's open mic event. Lo says she supports Trey's organization (Active Young America) and would give them money, but doesn't "like the whole, hippie, let's play guitar and sing slow songs" scene. I kind of love Lo.

Kristin and Jessica cook dinner for Deiter and Stephen. The food is terrible; Kristin calls the sauce "retarded." Jessica forgets to take her heart-shaped cake out of the oven. When she does, it's still gooey and "jiggles." Kristin's phone rings during dinner (twice). Stephen acts passive-aggressively bitchy, and bites his lower lip. Everyone stops talking. Kristin turns the dial up to "awesome," smirks into her pasta, and asks "why is everyone so quiet?" Lauren and Lo go to the AYA event for all of two seconds.

At Deiter's house, Kristin talks on the phone, while everyone else cleans. Stephen asks why she's "acting weird." Kristin smirks (awesomely) again, and says she's "tired." Stephen acts passive-aggressively bitchy, and bites his lower lip. The girls leave. Deiter throws the heart-shaped cake in the trash. The next day, Kristin and Morgan S. get ice cream. Kristin admits the pasta "tasted like feet." She again calls Stephen "weird." Morgan S. wonders why lesbian Alex H. wasn't available to listen to Kristin's drama.

Stephen calls Lauren (at work). Lauren makes an actual facial expression. They plan to attend The Bonfire (episode title goes to Lauren). Stephen's pot-head co-worker calls him out on two-timing the girls. Stephen tries to deny it. At the bonfire, Polster talks to Lauren about his senior project on "the humanist movement." Lauren could not care less, but tries to exude enthusiasm. She fails. Lo tries to get cell phone service.

Stephen takes Kristin aside; he wants to "talk as friends." Kristin doesn't want to talk (on camera). Stephen sits next to Lauren and talks about wanting to get out of town. Lauren pops her massive Stephen boner. Kristin sits next to the them; the camera man pops a massive boner over getting the entire love triangle in the same shot (during a discussion about the love triangle, no less). Stephen wishes he could take back the way he treated Lauren (when they hooked up before filming). Lauren says she regrets it. Stephen says he doesn't regret treating two girls like pretty objects for his hormonal amusement because he "learned a lot." Lauren makes sex eyes at Stephen, and tries not to cream her pants. Everyone leaves.

The Awesome:

• You guys, I forgot how much I love Jessica. First of all, her boobs are HUGE. Second of all, girl is DUMB. Kristin plays along with her at the grocery store, but you can tell she's laughing at Jess now and then. I mean, "have a pound of chicken?" I'm sure we'll talk in later recaps about how Jessica is the quintessential high school girl with zero self-esteem, but for now, I'm just glad she's here.

• If Mormon Morgan actually thought that might be an acceptance letter, she should consider heading down the hall to Jessica's classroom because that was seriously the most obvious rejection letter I have ever seen. If it doesn't say "congratulations" right away, they didn't accept you. I bet she regrets reading it on camera.
  

• For all the flack I give Lo, she described Trey's AYA event perfectly. The producers must have had a field day cutting from the girls' car conversation to a room full of teenage hippie wannabes (complete with dreadlocks and tie-dye), swaying to the acoustic guitar. Also, does anyone know what happened to Polster? I could totally see him as one of the masterminds behind Google.
  

• New player of the week: Morgan S. (Kristin's friend, blond, a junior) will prove a perpetual sidekick, though next season she'll hang with Alex M. and Taylor, much to Kristin's chagrin. Kristin also repeatedly talks on the phone to "Sam," though we never see him.

• Kristin's choker has gotten more screen-time than Talan.

The Real Deal: This episode speaks for itself, really. Kristin and Stephen kind-of-sort-0f split up for the first (but hardly the last) time this season, and Kristin starts to play by her own rules. Stephen's frustration and amazement at her refusal to give him the upper hand is delightful. Plus, Kristin finally breaks out the tell-tale smirk of "now, I will destroy you." Dark Phoenix Hurricane Kristin approaches! Hooray!